Wednesday, August 14, 2013

In the Meantime

How many of you think ... " In the meantime" ? In the meantime, before this happens or that happens, i'll do this. I used to do it a lot. I used to love " In the meantime, time". What it really is, is procrastination. I used to do it a lot. I still do it these days, but the amount that i do has decreased. In the mean time has a real romance to it. That event, person, time or moment that you envision in your mind has yet to happen. Whether it's an impending event of doom, or whether it's something sweet, there carries a real acceptance and sacrificial element of ourselves to the inevitable when we say to ourselves, " In the meantime". We literally give ourselves to time when we forget what is to come and preoccupy ourselves with the present. We deny ourselves the power to do anything about it out of laziness, fear or simply lack of ideas. I'm not denouncing procrastination, but this entire idea of " in the meantime " just sort of hit home for me about five minutes ago. Then, i subsequently came here to write about it. I wouldn't say that i've ever been a control freak although according to my personality, you'd probably think that i would be.

I'm not. I enjoy submitting myself to what life throws at me. Unless it's something harmful or that could hurt me in which i have power over to stop. Then again though, your power is always limited. In the meantime of my life right now, i'm just enjoying the days and waiting for that next big thing to come around. My life used to be so eventful. One day i'd be living at home and then literally the next, i'd be moving into my first share house. That's how impulsively it happened. I wasn't even going out to look for a place to live. These days, things are very temperate. I live a straight line and i really like it, so it's really up to the next big thing to arrest me. I am pretty excited. But who knows? Maybe this day will never come and I'll be forever floating atop of my straight line of tepid domestic comfort. I used to have this saying called, " Babe Life ". There's nothing i stand against more today but back then, i loved it. What it was was basically living life indulgently, impulsively and within aesthetic values. There's nothing romantic or beautiful about structure and regimen and i absolutely used to loathe it. Despite my love and fondness for structure today, i know that every once in a while we've got to abandon ourselves to what is ultimately going to consume us whole. What we won't be able to control. It could be something like a person we never thought we'd fall in love with claiming us like no tomorrow, or it could be jail time for a crime that was worth committing ( be imaginative with that one ). For me, i know there will be sleep ins and silly shows of dramaticism and exhibitionism at parties. I know that there'll be loud sartorial purchases and ' word vomit ' as Lindsay Lohan coined in Mean girls. I'm not ready, but that's alright. In the meantime.....

 A pensive selfie.

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Thanks so much for reading!