How I feel Today

Today, i'm asking myself some big questions. Those ones that take a lifetime to answer and find answers to really. I've been thinking about next year. I've already got a whole list of things that i want to accomplish for next year. Small goals, but realistic and totally do-able. I haven't shunned my love of ambition but i think that's taking a backseat for a while. I feel like i'm slipping into a new way of living. Basically, i feel pensive and contemplative today. I'm asking myself who i want to be and what i want in life again, now that i'm a whole new type of person the one that i was a year or two ago. Every time you ' re-invent ' yourself, you get a whole new set of goals and wishes. I think it's time to set some down for the person that i feel like i am now. The thing is though, how i feel now about life and everything isn't a result of ' re-invention '. It happened all so organically and so naturally. Most of all, it happened very slowly. For it all to change? That'd have to be a slow process as well.

The thing is, i've always been very quick to answer these types of massive questions. I've always known what i wanted to be and who i wanted to be and all that be, be, be stuff. Now, i feel like the only things i ever really want/want to do is to be left in peace. Yesterday, i was at my parents house and i set myself to tackle the first task on my goals list which was to make my old bedroom more homely and cozy. It was always just an empty room with a bed when i left home and i didn't feel any affinity with it. Now, i've got photos on the walls, all my notebooks there, paints, paintbrushes and pens and stuff. I didn't want to leave for work yesterday because i was getting so well acquainted with my old space. 
I feel like i just want to have lots of solitude and quiet in my life for the next year. Lots of good writing to be had and good paintings to be started alone, in my new apartment with the windows open and me listening to Nina Simone on my iPod. No interruptions at all and for dinner, something really lovely and home cooked. That's the vision for my life next year. I also want to be really financially strong with an adults bank account. Not to be living from paycheque to pay cheque but to have an exorbitant amount of savings to be able to live extremely well. I dont' want to do a lot of talking anymore. I basically just want to have dead silence all the time. I don't know what's happened but i'm constantly craving silence. Maybe it's because of my awful neighbors who knows?
I feel one way when i'm with my friends and another when i'm alone. I consider the me who's alone to be the true me. All i know is that i want lots of quiet, lots of alone time and a new apartment for next year. One with good windows, nice floorboards and good detailing. High ceilings are just a bonus.