Your Mood v What you're Doing

It's only recently dawned on me that our moods are more pivotal in dictating the general vibe of the day rather than what's actually going on in our lives. I think i'm someone who relies heavily upon lots of 'things' and 'events' to be happening in my life in order to ratify its 'worth' as a whole. But i'm beginning to realise that you can live a simple life without lots of things going on, and still be really happy and satisfied... because of your mood.

If you are one of those people who generally are in a good mood all the time and have a more positive disposition in life, watching day time TV isn't depressing. It's not even an issue. Today, i watched day time TV and didn't feel sad at all like i used to. Day time TV used to make me, REALLY sad. I'd flick on Dr.Phil and Oprah and then just feel this immense heaviness over me and i inevitably start to survey my life up to this point and ask myself DO I REALLY DESERVE to be watching day time TV? I didn't do that today. I feel like i've finally stopped living in the past or the future and started living in the present. Which is so difficult. It's hard to be present, our minds are always either thinking back or looking forward.

I'm half way across the conclusion about myself and the workforce. I don't really think i'm cut out to work at an office to be honest. These past six months have seen me really, really want a 'normal' job but i feel like it's just not the place for me. OK, maybe it's because my last potential employee said that i was ' too eccentric ' for the office and that sort of sent me into this big epiphany about myself and my place in the world. The office isn't my place. But then i think, how will i live my life in an acceptable way if i don't work in an office? People aren't understanding in the real world, especially not to people who did a writing course in university and now work in a call center.
They automatically think that people like me are 'lazy' simply because we're artistic and don't fit into the corporate mold.

I really, really wanted to. It's not like i've been rebelling against a normal life like most writers and creatives do. I wasn't accepted and that comment by that employer sort of sent me into this new wave of thinking where i had to carve out my own 'path' as opposed to wedge myself into the one expected of me by the world. This is so hard. Carving out your own ' path ' is the most difficult thing because it's so unpredictable, it's not guided and it's up to you for everything.
With a normal job? You just send in your CV, get an interview and with some luck and good timing you're in the job zone. I sort of feel like i'm entering into this new phase of my life and i thought these ridiculous claims of " NEW PHASES " was something i had left behind in my teens. But it's not. I guess time will only tell where i'll be in a year or two.

I made a Kebab

PS : I'm sorry that i'm always changing my layouts for this blog. I know it's really annoying. It's like " Get a fucking idea about who you are already ".