Best friends forever

Good morning, all.
I've just finished my muesli with honey and banana which has become my staple breakfast. I have it every single day. I wonder when i'm going to start getting sick of it? At work yesterday, i was thinking about friendships and relationships in general. Although i'm a solid advocate of living the solo life and being liberated from that, i know that other people aren't so into it as i am. There's nothing wrong with that. Afterall, it's societies fault for rhapsodizing relationships as something more essential than it actually is. It's not because I haven't experienced the joys of friendship and human bonding. It's because i'm just a solo sort of person and i have derived more joy in being able to live my life in the way and style that i want than along the lines of others.

Anyway, recently i declared a 'break' between my best friend and I. I don't know how long a couple of weeks is but that's how long i stated we should stop talking because of the pressures we've been putting on each other. Ever since it became apparent to me that she was closest to me than anyone else, i felt like we would be friends forever. It sounds so silly and young but i truly did. I would poke her in the arm when we were on trains and be like, " See those two old ladies? That's us in twenty years". Spending time with her was joyous and effortless. Every time i was with her, i'd feel as if we were teenagers again. Laughing and mucking around as if time hadn't passed us at all and that we didn't have any new duties or responsibilities even though it had been years since we were truly kids. We still do the things we used to do when we were teenagers. Go to shops and look around, test testers and eat cheap fast food. I told her things without fear and she did to me as well. As we've both grown older, i feel as if i've acquired a new sense of independence that i never had. It isn't just me who is more OK with being alone and apart from the people that i've always sought shelter from. It's everyone my age. Relationships between my girlfriends and their boyfriends have become more important because they are sort of the all rounder friend that you can sleep with. Girlfriends are still important but i feel like the sisterhood between girls is experiencing a sort of suspension. I'm lucky that i have never cared about what men thought about me so i don't need a boy to keep me company.

I don't deny that i've always been selfish but now i am more selfish than ever. My level of self involvement has sky rocketed from self-cynicism and self-evalutation to self-indulgence and self-serving. I put myself before everyone around me. It's always about what i want and how i'm going to get it. It sounds isolating and unnatural but to me this is the most natural thing in the world. I have spent a good portion of my life in reliance and subservience to others and it's hell. Depending on other people to ratify you is slavery. Now that i'm out of that curse, i feel so liberated and happy that nobody has the power to tell me how i am or what i am or whether i'm up to their standard or not. I've always contended that i was a loner. But what is funny is that the more distant and self serving i am, the more amicable and socially flamboyant i am. All of a sudden, people are no longer victimizing me. All of a sudden, people are simply passers by. Kiss and touch, good bye. No attachments, no commitments, no nothing. I hope that my best friend and i will reconcile eventually and be stronger and closer than ever after this break ( Which we've never done ). But i know that people are good at adapting and that nothing is ever final. No feeling is ever the last one. She'll be able to continue living life gracefully and easily just like i could. I never thought i'd be able to say that about us.