Ease on down the road

It doesn't take much to completely change my perspective on things. I have my ideas and beliefs about the world, but every so often these ideas completely change much to my own surprise and others too. I keep on writing about how my life has changed because it's the one thing that i just can't get out of my head nowadays. Imagine being one type of person for nearly your whole life and then waking up in the body of this new person that you never thought you'd be like. Well, that's pretty much me in a nutshell. I guess in a way one of my dreams came true. I became everything that i wasn't four years ago. And another one of my goals was achieved too. I stopped being so hard on myself and just found the beauty in simply living life. I haven't ever been this easy on myself and it feels amazing.

I call this my ' Wes Anderson ' Beanie. I feel like it's got his name written all over it.

 I used to say to myself, " I wish i wasn't this emotional, i wish i didn't care so much" when i was what i like to call ' first phase me '. We're in second phase now where feelings and emotions aren't the compass for my life. Second phase me is 'selfish phase'. It's all about me and what i want and how i want it. I've decided and believe that it is better to live a stable and steady life rather than have fantastically amazing heights and down trodden lows. We never remember the heights because the lows are just so overpowering. I seek stability and even predictability a little bit. In all facets of life but especially with my emotions. Being emotionally intense was heavy and tiring. I am so thankful that life happened in the way it did for me to actually get rid of that aspect of how i experience things.

My new Kit candle!

I know the ' beauty in simply living life ' sounds so cheesey but it's actually so true. Not everything that we do has to be momentous or important. Not everything has to have a 'point'. One of the most crippling things i used to battle with was what the ' point ' of something was. Before i did something, i'd always ask myself what the ' point ' of it was. Was it going to be worth the effort? Or was it better to not even go there because you wouldn't get out what you had put in? These days, everything is worth doing and everything is worth my time. I used to have issues with really banal things like making breakfasts that required a stove. I'd literally stand before the stove and ask myself for five minutes if this would be worth it. You know you're truly living when everything feels worth your time and you have the energy to make everything happen.

I must say, life is no longer about succeeding and winning in my career anymore. I can't believe how much of a drastic change i've gone through. Before Linwood, my career was all that mattered to me. All i wanted was to get new and better opportunities and to build a name for myself. Now, i'm OK with doing nothing, being noone and just simply living my life. I feel like it's the best i've been in a long time. I wonder if this is a phase and soon i'll be itching for success again. Nothing can compare to the feeling of success. If they could bottle the feeling of success and sell it, they'd have a whole new host of addicts on their hands. I feel like success and experiencing it almost means you're going to have to accept highs and lows as an inherent part of your life. Whereas if you don't experience too much of it or don't seek it, then life is much more balanced and stable. Of course, we shouldn't hold back from excelling, it's just hard to not get caught up in the drama.