How much do you care about what others think of you ?

Always such an interesting question to ask people. Their answers rarely reflect their actions in which we so often dub as " louder than words ". People can easily say they don't care about what the world thinks of them. Until they prove that they do. And why shouldn't we care about what the world thinks? Why shouldn't we strive for approval? This is the real world not some idealized fantasy world where people actually accept you for who you are rather than ' what ' you are. I think it's silly when people preach that we shouldn't give a shit about what the world thinks of us. What the world thinks of you is a measure of how far you can get in the real world.

If you ask me whether i care about what others think of me, my answer is a resounding yes. But i also care about what i want to say and what i feel needs to be said. I also care about what i want to do and when i want to do it. I know that all actions come with a set of consequences and as long as i feel like those consequences are worth suffering for, i'll do whatever it is that i want. I think we cared more about what the world thought of us as teenagers. Adolescence is the classic phase of ravenously needing the stuff. In my twenties, i feel like i've well and truly emerged out of that awful phase. Although as a human being, i'll continuously seek approval and reassurance from the outside world, there is more of a sanctum of safety within myself these days. A sanctum that i've been needing for much too long. One thing about myself is that i am a tell all book. I rarely hide facts about myself or my life to people because i just don't feel like they are liable to cause any real damage. And if these facts about me do cause damage, then maybe i wasn't meant to be a part of their lives/establishment anyway.

It might be hard to imagine how i could still care about what people think when i tell so much about myself on this blog. I do tell a lot here, i spill my guts out about everything. The two reasons how i find this easy. One, because i don't know who exactly reads this blog. Not knowing individual people who read it makes it feel as if you're kind of writing to yourself. And that's how it feels all the time when i write. I want you to read it, but i'm also a part of the audience too. Secondly, people are never 'real' to you in real life. If they read something they think is weird on your blog, not many people will be like " OMG THAT THING YOU SAID " ( I actually wish people did this more ) The sad or depressing facts about myself are a part of me and the reason why i don't care about people knowing is because if they like me, then they have to accept the sad facts about myself.
I've always said on this blog that all i've told you is just the tip of the iceberg. That might sound hard to believe or even dramatic but it's true, true, true! I've come a long way since my teen years where everyday was a struggle to prove myself to others. And that's just slavery, really. I don't know how people can keep it up for their whole lives. I gave up about two years ago and it's been the best thing ever. Having said that, it was because i found a sense of security within myself. If i never found that, maybe i'd still be hungry for reassurance, waiting for you to say hello first.