How much is your soul worth ?

I remember a couple of months back, my best friend and i were sitting at a restaurant waiting for dinner to arrive. We got talking about souls and whether we'd sell ours to the devil in exchange for our wildest desires. She said that if i sold mine then she wouldn't be my friend anymore. That's fair enough, i thought. I did sell you off for my dreams and wishes to come true and you have total right to disown me for it. Last night, my mind subconsciously found its way to this question again. What is worth the totality of your soul? What desire, wish or hope do you have which you want so, so badly to come true that you would sell your soul for it? Do you even have desires that expand that large? Are you that desperate to be atoned for you'd sell yourself for it? 

I think i'd price my soul for about $1,000,000. Let me reason why i'd sell my soul for a cool million. One million AUD could buy me a small manor in Scotland. It's a dream of mine to live a nice, quiet life amongst the green moors of Scotland. To have a massive fireplace and a cat or two. The reason why i'd buy a small manor is because the rest of the money would be put towards any publishing costs towards my debut book. The thing about starting out as a writer is that you gotta pay more than you earn. Something i'm more than happy to do. Before you start earning, you have to spend. And because books are fast becoming more and more superfluous, the costs are rising in order to produce them. There's nothing more powerful than a hard cover edition of your debut book. 

But how could i really put a price on my soul? I mean, that's just heartless of me isn't it? Well, i'm not sure a soul really matters that much these days. As i mature, i realise that the world is simply a machine where it wants to be fed dollar bills constantly. And only by feeding the dollar bills do we get anything back in return. Dollar bills don't just have to be literally dollar bills. You have to give energy to your employers, love to your family, effort for your friends and time for yourself. You don't get something for nothing these days. But can you do all these things without a soul? I think you can. As dumb as this sounds, i think you can love without having your heart in it. You can show love without really feeling it in your blood. If you ask me whether i'd sell my soul or not, i'd have to say I have no idea. I literally don't despite the fact i have an asking price for it. It depends on what i can do without my soul. If i'd still be able to write, to feel things, to want to do things maybe i would sell it. Even the most soulless of people that i've met in my life have had desires. I might even go so far to say that their desires are even more urgent than those of ' normal ' people. If i didn't have a soul, maybe i'd just be a diluted version of myself today. That's OK to me.

Think about the one thing you want in life now. That wish you wouldn't ever confide to anyone about but hold against your chest every night at 3AM. Is it that great that you'd give yourself wholly for it? I want to meet people who would sell their soul to get what they want. I want to meet these people because who would want something THAT bad? They've got to be someone pretty special and unique. I'd say that i used to be someone who was that intense. I've gotten so much blander in the last couple of months. A feat that i am both proud and relieved to have achieved. Intensity is great for a writer, this is true. But GOD is it bad for a human being. Unfortunately, i am also one of those. My dreams used to be vivid. Ever since i've evened out emotionally, the other ' side ' doesn't seem to be has desirable. What i mean by the other side is the ' dream ' side. The other side of life where we want to be but can't some how. The " If life were like this " and " If only's " that we don't want to indulge in too much for fear of sadness or longing.