How Busy Are You?

 

We live in a world where we believe that the ' busier ' we are, the less we are moping about feeling sorry for ourselves. It's somewhat true. If we are mentally occupied then we don't have as much time or energy to focus on the bad shit we don't want to be focusing on. For me, the bad things usually consume me. I find that if i try to ignore it or push it away by doing things, it comes back twice as loud. I have never ever been good at blocking unpleasant feelings. I usually let them consume me in order to get them over and done with. Things need to be felt, that's the only way they can leave. I'm really interested in what people do to fill up their time. I think looking at what people do to fill up their time gives us a unique insight into the kind of people that they are and what ' mental ' space that they are currently in. The people who don't do that much but are perfectly happy with that are usually the happiest people. The people who do a lot but don't feel fulfilled by what they are doing are usually the saddest. It's as if what they do is more important than how they feel doing it.
I've been asking people around me what they do to fill up their time and been very interested in their answers. I've noticed that everyone says the same thing usually :

- Faff around on the internet
- Misc tasks / assignments to do with uni 
- Personal artistic ventures
- Watching TV 
- Seeing friends / social events

Everything that we do usually comes under those five categories. What's more interesting is to ask why some people feel directionless and bored and why some don't even if they're doing the same thing. I feel like I am a person who has lots of spare time. I'm not someone who feels compelled to do anything unless it's got some sort of rock-hard worth at the bottom of it. What constitutes ' worth ' is random though. Money is a good incentive. So is keeping up appearances. But usually, if there's no end game then i don't feel very motivated to do it. It's been a lot better recently but this will continue to be an ongoing problem for me. Continuously demanding what the ' point ' is of doing things. I feel like in order for something to be worth doing, you have to believe it's worth doing. Whenever i'm bored or feeling idle, i always jump to the conclusion that everyone else must be busy and happy. Fully charged with direction and focus. Everyone else must be doing something amazing and great and i'm the only one who sits around feeling lost and confused. I forget that life isn't always about me vs the world. All because i feel one way doesn't mean that the other side is the polar opposite. 

I've always wished that i could see what people are doing on my iPhone at whichever moment that i fancied. I know that's kind of creepy but as if you're not a tad bit curious? In one shot on your iPhone, you could see the reality of what someone else's life is like instead of hearing their romanticized version of it. It's called reassurance and it's a hard thing to get without someone showing honesty and vulnerability. But how we feel about our lives is in our heads. If I catch a glimpse of you lying on your bed staring at your ceiling, i could be wrong in assuming your life is boring and directionless. You could be having the time of your life. You could be having a five minute breather. There have been moments when i have felt charged with direction, purpose and motivation and i feel disappointed when these moments end. The hardest thing is to self-motivate and self-receive. It's easier to do something for someone else and know that your efforts are being acknowledged.