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| " URRRRGHH " |
When are we ever satisfied with what we've got? NEVER!
When presented with too many choices, we are trumped. When presented with not enough choices, we get annoyed and demand more options. Right now, i am having trouble deciding what to do with my life. Stay in Melbourne, find more work, save and move into a studio apartment? Or, save up as much money as i can, get a visa and live and work in New York for an indefinite amount of time? I mean, I know they are both big goals. New York is probably a bigger goal but the point is, i gotta choose one. I guess i can do both but one has to come first, right? So do i stick around here in Melbourne or make the trek over the pond? A part of me wants to leave Melbourne. It's getting way too comfortable here and i'm far too familiar with everything to be able to grow and develop and be challenged. I never knew it but I actually kind of like to be challenged. Now that i am more independent, strong willed and tough, i don't mind a challenge because i don't really take anything that personally anymore. Either choice i make will involve a lot of waiting. That's what life really is. A big ass waiting room. I'm really jealous of people who get what they want, when they want.
When presented with too many choices, we are trumped. When presented with not enough choices, we get annoyed and demand more options. Right now, i am having trouble deciding what to do with my life. Stay in Melbourne, find more work, save and move into a studio apartment? Or, save up as much money as i can, get a visa and live and work in New York for an indefinite amount of time? I mean, I know they are both big goals. New York is probably a bigger goal but the point is, i gotta choose one. I guess i can do both but one has to come first, right? So do i stick around here in Melbourne or make the trek over the pond? A part of me wants to leave Melbourne. It's getting way too comfortable here and i'm far too familiar with everything to be able to grow and develop and be challenged. I never knew it but I actually kind of like to be challenged. Now that i am more independent, strong willed and tough, i don't mind a challenge because i don't really take anything that personally anymore. Either choice i make will involve a lot of waiting. That's what life really is. A big ass waiting room. I'm really jealous of people who get what they want, when they want.
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| Me in my apartment in 2013 |
It seems the more successful you are in life, the faster things happen. I wish i were one of those people. My recent trip ( which i haven't been able to shut up about, sorry ) was a taste tester, AND I WANNA BUY THE PRODUCT! New York is a bomb of new culture, new sights, new opportunities(?) and new horizons. I need more " new " in my life. That's what is drawing me in making a decision to move away. You can get so used to a place that it begins to feel stale, stagnant and just depressing. And to be honest, i am not attached to much in Melbourne that would prevent me from leaving. I think one thing i definitely learned in New York is that i'm a bit of a free spirit. I know that sounds so cheesey but I like to roam free and go from place to place.
When i was a teenager, all i felt was jealousy at people who were like this. I'd meet them at parties and wonder how anyone could be so fucking free all the time. They have a billion friends and a billion things to do. If they meet someone they get along with, they don't cling to them. They just smile and laugh and have a good time and then MOVE ON. I wanted to be like that so desperately. And after all these years, finally i don't need to lean on anyone. So i have to make the most of this independence and freedom from 'need'. This is why travel seems like the logical choice. It's the extension that i need to this new found independence and self reliance that is just bliss to be living. But on the other hand, i miss living alone and because i'm all about "Simple Living" now, a studio apartment seems like a totally exciting venture for me. The thought of having to fit myself around this tiny space actually makes me excited and not pissed off because i like to simplify. Well, i like to simplify NOW anyway. I am naturally independent and I enjoy alone time a lot. Not to mention my mum is starting to really get on my nerves. So you see my dilemma. Both options seem enticing and gorgeous to me. Like a new toy behind shiny, thick plastic wrapping.
When i was a teenager, all i felt was jealousy at people who were like this. I'd meet them at parties and wonder how anyone could be so fucking free all the time. They have a billion friends and a billion things to do. If they meet someone they get along with, they don't cling to them. They just smile and laugh and have a good time and then MOVE ON. I wanted to be like that so desperately. And after all these years, finally i don't need to lean on anyone. So i have to make the most of this independence and freedom from 'need'. This is why travel seems like the logical choice. It's the extension that i need to this new found independence and self reliance that is just bliss to be living. But on the other hand, i miss living alone and because i'm all about "Simple Living" now, a studio apartment seems like a totally exciting venture for me. The thought of having to fit myself around this tiny space actually makes me excited and not pissed off because i like to simplify. Well, i like to simplify NOW anyway. I am naturally independent and I enjoy alone time a lot. Not to mention my mum is starting to really get on my nerves. So you see my dilemma. Both options seem enticing and gorgeous to me. Like a new toy behind shiny, thick plastic wrapping.
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Thanks so much for reading!