How to Console a friend going through a breakup

There's no point pretending that we enjoy consoling people. It's not that we're all cold and cruel inside, it's the fact that it is so hard to get it 'right'.  The pressure is immense to say the right thing when it comes to our friends going through breakups. One slip of the wrong phrase or piece of reassurance comes off as being phoney, dumb or sometimes even insensitive. Knowing that we all have a duty of care to our friends, what the hell do we do and/or say when our friends are going through a shit time where let's face it, nothing can really help them feel better?
The first thing to remember is that they're going to get over it eventually. Although they mightn't ever forget the experience, immediate needs have to be met in the end. Going to work, making sure the apartment/home is clean, feeding the cat, going to the toilet, paying bills. Mundane as they are, these seemingly insignificant bits of daily life do help to shovel the hurt away bit by bit. As a friend though, we do have to be there and make sure we don't completely fuck up our attempts of making them feel better. So what exactly do we say?

It gets tricky here because there are only two avenues that you can take. The avenue of comfort or the avenue of reality. Both ways have their pros and cons and it's up to you to decide which one you want to take. Most of us want the first option because we are always in favor of what feels good. But I feel as if this method is sort of like taking drugs. Good in the short term but bad in the long term. They may have an ' emotional ' hang over the next day when they realise that they've been deluding themselves in servitude of feeling better. Finding oneself in an even deeper and danker sadness here is not uncommon. By all means give them a hug and tell them that you hate _______ too and that they're a jerk but leave it there. The thing about giving them reassurance is that you can easily lead them on. Even if you know the story inside and out and are not just simply jumping to conclusions, you never know how far your friend is going to take that information. Worst of all, you may be the one who gets blamed if things go awry.

Things don't get simpler with the other option either. The truth that draws a tear. It's not that I like this method but i do think it's the realistic and mature one. The truth is rarely ever music to the ears but it's the most sturdy bridge to ' moving on '. Get the truth out quick and fast, let them lament over it and they'll be on their way ON THEIR OWN in their own time. The good thing about this method is that you don't lead them on like the aforementioned method. You tell it to them plain and simple, " He never loved you " or " He found someone he loved more ". Yes, they are hurtful things to say but as mentioned before, the truth hurts. I've always supported the notion that the sooner you are well acquainted with the truth, the sooner you'll be sailing away from your care factor.

Delaying the truth is an act of immaturity and denial. A mixture of both is probably the best option here. Give them the reassurance they need, tell them you hate the idiot to know you're on their side but also remind them of the little ticks of truth that pin prick pain but also act as the medicine for stronger Armour next time. All in all, nobody wins in this situation. You get pinned into a tricky situation and your friend is in the meantime stewing in their own pot of sadness and pain. Hold on to each other for as long as you need and know that the end is nigh.