How to Live with failure

I feel like a lot of my success was experienced earlier on in life. Things happened for me then. Currently, my state of affairs is dim and dead. I have never experienced such bad luck in all of my life. I was thinking about what one could do after one had tried all that they could in regards to getting something. How much further can one keep going when all their efforts have reaped absolutely nothing? Is it stupid to keep going? Or is it resilient to continue on despite all your wasted efforts? Your sincere but wasted efforts of trying to get somewhere? Get something? Not being a stranger to failure, i've started to wonder if it's time to admit that maybe i am one. Against the grain of the worlds aggressive need to maintain optimism at all times, perhaps it's time to find some peace with failure itself. We all have the ability to pick ourselves up and try, try again. But when you're at the tenth cycle of trying, you can't help but stop and wonder to yourself. There might be something wrong with you. These days, my views about life are strongly nihilistic. I don't believe in anything but chance and luck because that's how our tides change in life. We always have the ability to try and change where we're heading. But ultimately, it really is up to something beyond ourselves to allow our lives to take form in a new one.
All the questions i've ever asked are existential ones that have no answer. Staring dead into the eyes of every single psychologist, I was met with a sense of pity and loss from all of them. They didn't have the answer, I certainly don't have the answer and let's be real. Nobody else has the answer either.
I don't know what is worse, knowing that i am a failure because i'm actually doing something wrong or knowing that i am a failure because there isn't a reason and that there are no explanations for it at all.

Both are such dead ends. If you try to change yourself to no success, then that's a failure. If it's not you and there's nothing to change, you still fail. For some reason, i feel as if the possibility of there being no reason at all for all that i am going through, is worse. Because why couldn't it have gone the other way? Is life really that random that bad things can happen for no reason at all? Actually, yes that happens all of the time. I'm living with failure through having honor in being able to continue without whining to people, without complaining. Clenching your teeth and not crying is better than wailing to whoever is nearest to you. There is honor in failure if you look hard enough. If you are able to live with the fact that everyone else is going somewhere and despite your most sincere and true efforts, you are still being ground by the heel of life into the dirt like a cigarette, you must count for something. Adulthood must be finally overcoming the meaninglessness of it all and being able to still wake up everyday and face what the world has got to throw at you. Because that's how i feel now. Despite the failure that is at my doorstep everyday, i still manage to do my job at work, write something here, continue to apply for jobs that i want and have some smidgen of hope that things may look better for me in the future. But might this all be stupidity and naivety? Am i silly to persist despite so much failure? A part of me feels so but another part of me knows that no matter how hard i fail, no matter how much i look like an idiot, a nobody an absolute shmuck, i'm a writer and that's the only thing i could ever do and ever do well with conviction.