What's been up since i came back down ( under )

I never blog these days. I remember when i used to write all the time on this blog and would have to rein myself in because i'd make way too many posts. The older i get, the more i keep to myself. A lot different to the ' old ' me who used to just reveal, reveal, reveal. I don't play into the mystery game as you can see. I've been back home from Tokyo for about a week or so now. I've gone back to work, seen some old faces and generally just settled in more. Tokyo feels far away now and i keep getting flash backs to events and stuff that happened. Pair that with my ipod and a trip on the train and things get pretty nostalgic. I feel like Melbourne is basically a waiting room until i can get back to Tokyo for a longer period of time. Before i had even left the city, i was applying for jobs there and i've got an interview for a job today in literally two hours over Skype. I feel like that's just where i'm supposed to be. As a person, a human being. Not because i had an awesome trip, but on a deeper level where your soul cries out " This is home! Listen to me!". I fully understand that bad things can happen there too, that i'll be sad, that people can hurt me and that i will probably fail too. It's not like Tokyo is this place where everything is perfect. Your life is your life and you carry that with you everywhere but Tokyo is not Melbourne and all i want is an exit from Melbourne.

Being back at work is kind of weird sometimes but also totally not weird. When i am at work, i think to myself, " You can travel all over the world, have life changing experiences but at the end of the day you're back where you started ". It sounds depressing, i guess it kind of is but it's also just life. You always end up back in your own bed, eating the same dinners and hanging out with the people back at home at the same places. But i want to change that. I've always been an escapist but I wouldn't be one if i lived in Japan. I feel like Tokyo is supposed to be home. If i live there, i won't be dreaming up of exotic destinations to escape to because i feel like everything i'll ever need is there. I get so excited just thinking about the place. I've really truly found my place in life so it means the world to me to be able to live there. I feel like the culture really aligns with my values and my beliefs. I feel like it's somewhere i can really feel at home. A few good things about being back home though : sleeping in my own bed, having internet on my phone everywhere i go, being able to hang out with friends and not having to feel stupid not speaking the language. Other than that ... nothing's changed.

I feel like my friends and I, we've well and truly moved beyond late teens early twenties mentality now. Everybody never has time to see each other because they are so busy leading their own lives and making sure they aren't going to be in the shit. With rent, with relationships, with life things in general. I feel lucky that i'm really self sufficient because if i weren't, i'd be really struggling with not seeing my friends as much as i used to. I've been teaching myself Japanese recently and i'm enjoying it SO much. I watch a Japanese movie every two nights just to make sure i'm not too far from the language and how it sounds and i love it. I feel so impatient though because i really just want to start on the basics of speaking it and forming sentences but i'm still memorizing the alphabet. I guess not knowing it would be like trying to learn English without knowing the ABC's. The thought of being able to support myself with a job in Tokyo and living in my own little room in a share house seems like a dream. Of course, there'll be new problems then, but i'd rather have a new set than the ones that i have now to be honest.