'It's been a while' is an understatement

" My favorite Plastic Bag " Taken with my iPhone 5 

You know how artists, writers and famous people have like a two year break from what they do because they've been through some really fucking intense shit but then they come back stronger than ever? That's like what i'm doing except i don't know how much stronger i am than what i used to be because i think what i'm currently in the midst of is " delusional strength ". All of us feel a surge of power when we make a come back and for the first two days, people are genuinely excited that we are back. They're patting us on the back, smiling, giving warm words of encouragement but then they drift off into obscurity again after another two days.

What's different about this return though, is that i know that i'm probably never, ever gonna make it as a writer. If you want to be a writer or an artist then you NEED a following. At least 10K otherwise nobody will publish your book. If you want to write seriously, you need readers. I don't believe in this whole," Just do it for you " stuff. That's OK if writing is a hobby but not if you want to be doing writing as a career.

Do i sound bitter? Well, yeah i am. But i'm also brave because i'm back despite fully knowing that i'll never be the writer that i want to be with the career that i dreamed about. I'm back because i actually love writing and having a blog is the only place where i can write without being edited. I hate being edited. With all my swearing and intense feelings and thoughts, this blog is the only place where you can read my realest stuff.

I think i'm being carried in the art tide right now. Making Art and Painting comes so naturally to me. The process of making art is so tactile and vested in sensation - i love it. It's nothing like writing where at times you really feel like you are pulling teeth. The only thing is that i'm really intimidated about what all the artists that i know are thinking  ( "Stay in your writing lane, amateur" )

Here are some promises i'm going to make in regards to this blog :

- 3 new posts a week
- Better quality photos / writing / content 

That's it.

Also, in regards to my older posts here ( there are A LOT ) please read them, enjoy them but know that they are from years back when i was a really different person. Someone younger, naiver and generally more soft hearted. She aint here no more!

Love
Y.