Beauty & Ambition

These are the latest themes for my upcoming essays that i'm writing for Crisp ( Launching in late October ). I can't tell you how great it is to be writing for a publication that actually wants to read and consider my writing. It feels like a lost game sometimes being a writer hopelessly sending your work out to a dozen publications and never getting any positive response. This is the life of a writer. This is a life of an average writer and not a John Updike. These two themes i'm so excited to write about because they both concern me a lot as a girl and a just a person.
I want to break them down a bit and give you my little insights on each. For the actual essays that i'm writing, you're just going to have to wait to read the real deal later on!

Beauty for me was something that i've been fascinated in since i was young. I'm someone who even though is a female, love the experience of looking at beautiful women. I prefer beautiful women over beautiful men. Beautiful women to me, are objects. They are objects to be looked at, to be admired and to be revered for natures blind and chance favoritism. Nature has no eyes, it has no mind. Something deigned this woman to be beautiful and we don't know what or how it came to this decision. This is why it's damning and why we hate them so much. Don't think that i would treat a beautiful woman like an object though. I see them as marble but i don't treat them like they have no mind or ideas or feelings. They are human beings, but i take them in as objects on the surface.
I'm someone who openly tells people that i think are beautiful that they are because i feel like they deserve to know. If i think you're beautiful, you'll find out sooner or later. Things like that are kept in secret in a society like ours here in Australia. Nobody goes out of there way to let you know. But when i go to China, that's probably the first thing that they'll tell you and this boldness is refreshing. Beauty is something that I love because it's joyful and full of life. There are somber kinds of beauty too, but for me within these somber contexts lies joy and life too. The most beautiful women ( and men too ) for me, have been joys to be around. Whenever i'm around someone i find to be gorgeous ( and not just hot, i'm talking about something more profound ) I can't help but become putty. I don't care how much i'm coming across as a weirdo, I always become consumed with what i love and i want to give everything to these people or experiences entirely.

Ambition was something that i used to be obsessed with. Not so much these days. Ambitious to me, make me excited for them. It doesn't matter how average they seem on the outside, once they start talking about their dreams and ideas, I'm already investing myself in who they are. I start to believe them because they have so much belief in themselves. I've always had a great resentment against the pessimists and the killjoys who put down people with big dreams. Let them dream. Dreaming is the only way anyone got anywhere. People with average expectations reap average outcomes. I'd rather sit with a hopeless dreamer than a staid killjoy. I had big dreams for Criterion, but they weren't lived out because i had problems with money. I don't regret or feel embarrassed for the dreams i had for it though. The best part of a creative journey has always been the part where you envision what could possibly happen. You know it mightn't, but to indulge in the fantasy in some ways is like fulfilling the dream too.