Loser

Life is bloody frustrating. What happened to the constant good mood that i had a couple of months ago? What happened to my routine and my dead-set discipline? These days, it's a desperate attempt to find a real job and not seeing anything. It's looking at Kenzo clothes at stores and online and wanting them so bad. It's going to bed and resting and literally regarding that as the biggest luxury of my life at the moment.
This is life. One minute, you're riding high and the next you're a loser. I'm a loser at the moment, but it's my job to make myself not a loser from now onto next year.

The only good thing is that i'm getting more writing gigs than i can get done. Another thing, one minute your despo for some creative gigs ( paid or un-paid ) and the next you have so many you just want to sit in your room and draw and listen to Perfume. I'm not going to do any more shameless self promoting, Just let it be known that Yalei Wang is getting her word out there again. It doesn't even feel that good anymore. What drives me? Material wealth. I'm literally turning into John Self, the disgusting, capo pig materialist in the book that i'm reading at the moment. Minus all the sleaze.

I've basically moved back into my parents house because my neighbors were giving me such grief. I confronted them at 3am the other night when the guy was still making a massive racket. He was and wasn't everything that i thought he would be. The point is, is that I did the ' real person ' thing to do and that i finally have a visual profile of the people that have been annoying me so much for the past couple of months. I don't know how to explain it, but there's a massive intense need to SEE the people who annoy you. I've only been hearing them, and in my mind i've been wondering and wondering what they look like. Now i've seen them, it's weird. Some part of myself is at peace.