VAL1UM

I recently got prescribed 5mg of Valium for my anxiety. This is big news to me because i didn't even know that Benzodiazepines ( The drug group which Valium and Xanax belong in together ) were legal in Australia. I go around to different pharmacies and i always see the sign, " WE DO NOT DISTRIBUTE BENZODIAZEPINES HERE ". Thanks guys, what about the people who ACTUALLY need them as opposed to popping one, two or three for recreational purposes? When i got the prescription, i thought, " Far out man, i am a real anxiety head". Like everyone always says they're anxious and shit but when you get prescribed Valium, you know that you really trippin' balls over the dumbest things like hailing a cab or even making an order at a cafe ( One of the scariest experiences to me, still ).

I'm super sensible about my valiums. If i had a drug peddler in me, i could sell these for $5 a pop but no way. I need these for my own survival! There's something kind of " Rich older lady " about valiums and benzo's in general. Throughout the media and pop culture, we've associated Benzo's with ladies who lunch and women who go shopping for pleasure. What have they got to be so stressed out about? But they always have them in their bags. And when you see them acting drowsy and a bit off, you know their on a Benzo. I try to monitor how much i am actually allowed to take one a day. My doctor says 3, but i try to only limit myself to about one or two, at the most. They're habit forming, most people become addicted to them or dependent upon them. I don't feel like i'm actually going to become dependent upon them though. The thing about Benzo's, is that they numb the exterior effects of your anxiety but they don't get to the 'root' of why ordering a coffee is so frightening.

That's something i've got to work out myself along the years.

Seriously guys, have you ever had to get a waiter to come and get your cheque? Of course, everybody has. But have you ever been like super nervous about it because you know that you're going to make an ass out of yourself? Probably not. Well i do.. Everytime. Like, it's such an amazement to me how some people can have these conversations at Coles about their lives with the check out girls. I'm not joking when i say this, it's one of my dreams to be able to have a casual conversation with a check out girl at Coles. Sometimes, you see mums do it and they start laughing and joking and look like they've been friends for years. I stand behind them with a look of utter puzzlement. Utter jealousy almost. By the time it's my turn, all i can muster is a dusty ' hello '.

Anxiety is fucking weird that way. You are nervous about EVERYTHING. And they are never really ' good ' reasons either.