Yalei Wang

I'm officially back home!
It feels a little bit odd and i'm still re-adjusting but all in all, i have to say it feels good to be back. Being at Linwood was such a trip. I met so many different people from different places and forged some friendships along the way as well. I saw things through a different perspective for the first time in my life about myself and the world and it was all thanks to the people who shared their life stories and ideas about living with me there. I thank them forever for that, it actually changed me. I feel a lot, lot better about myself. It's relieving and well-deserved after so much time wasted being so hard and cynical. The staff were so friendly and encouraging and my favorite therapy there had to be Art therapy and the Recovery group. The first session we focused on " Challenging irrational thoughts ", which i found to be a great place to begin.

Linwood House : My Room

It's 9.38AM. The earliest that i've risen at my actual home in a long, long time. Linwood got my sleeping patterns back in order again which i have to say, is one of the best things in the world. I have always prided emotion and personal tenets as the units which rule and dictate our moods. But i have never given a thought to how hugely important sleep was in shaping our moods and our entire ' life view ' before. I've realised that my entire summary of my life rests on my mood. If that sounds petulant and petty let me say, i agree with you completely. But turns out it's true. Something so seemingly trivial controls my entire view of life. Today, i feel good but that's because i went to bed at 10PM last night. That's my new bedtime. It feels so good to wake up at a reasonable hour and to fall asleep at one too. I started writing " Life insurance " at rehab and i plan to start transcribing today.

I feel like i've aged about 10 years mentally since Linwood. I didn't even think that was possible since i feel so mature and ' old ' already. This new life view that i have is probably the most mature view that i've ever had. To sum it up in a sentence, " Nothing really matters in the end ". It sounds so negative and sad but it's liberating more than anything. All that hooks you to sadness and struggle passes. Lovers recede into oblivion and best friends and friends alike drift away from your life to be replaced by new people. Everything is transient. There's just no point getting our knickers tied in a knot. That's how i feel now. I'm off to the shops to buy some muesli, my new favorite thing to eat for breakfast.