Yalei Wang

Sorry i've been so absent. Lots of bad shit has been happening and i kind of just can't bring myself to write about it. I did mention that i was going to rehab which i had my assessment for today and i've been accepted. I really can't wait to go. I've seen my room and the facilities and everything. It looks so good. We get heaps of freedom and it's a really quiet place. I get my own bedroom and i'm even allowed to leave the grounds if i want to as long as i tell a staff member.

I can't wait to get better and to get my life together again because to be honest it's just spiralled out of control this year. It's probably just one of those things i'll look back on when i'm in my forties and smile but i've been in a state of questioning, suffering and longing and it's not logical or sensible. It's just my emotions which get so out of hand that i've been sent to rehab for them. I won't ever stifle my emotions but i have to find some new way of managing them. I also got diagnosed with Borderline personality disorder recently which has clarified so much for me and my life. When i read all the symptoms the other day, it was just so uncanny because everything that i read was so me. It's the sort of clarity that i've been seeking for for my entire life and i've finally got it. It's a gift really. As in having the answer and not the disorder. But maybe i can't really be me without it?

It's so hard to not make this post all lame-sounding so i'll end it now.

I'm going to write ' Life insurance ' in rehab
I'm also going to take time out
I'm going to RELAX
I'm  not going to be so black and white thinking anymore 
I'm going to make some changes

C u soon
xx