Down and Out

There's this term called being " down and out ". It's not a glamorous term because it means being fucked money and home wise. You're a drifter about town with no money and no leads. You definitely have no job and you are not tied down to anything or anyone. You shouldn't be anyway because you can't afford to be. Anyway, these days i feel like i'm down and out. Not literally of course, but emotionally. In fact, i feel like my mind is a drifter wandering through the desert looking for some respite from the oasis that we are all searching for. I can't find a full time job, i'm sick of living with my parents, i spend all my time writing on this blog that i'm unsure about and watching Conan O'brien. I mean, let's just be real here. That's my new saying that i love. Let's just be real. I'm not gonna pretend my life is a fantastic party where things go my way and i'm the coolest person ever. It's pretty much the opposite and the reason why i'm being honest is because THIS IS THE SHIT PEOPLE LOVE TO READ. No one cares about the happy or the triumphant stories. Also, there's no honor in pretending to have something you don't. Down and out stories are the ones we want to hear. The stories where we live in share houses and we starve. The stories where we are wandering everywhere wondering when or if salvation will ever come. The stories where we lean against counter tops day dreaming about true love or something sickly sentimental like that.

This entire Hello Kitty thing is such a publicity stunt. It got us talking and some of us ( me ) Pissed off.

I mean, i'm down and out. Really i am. And if you ask my mum, no girls should ever be ' down and out '. Being down and out is a dudes thing. It's what Bukowski, Kerouac and Dostoevsky were. But  emotionally, i feel very down and out. And living with your parents at 24, isn't that kind of a down and out of 2014? I feel like my life is so predictable and monotonous. And even when i try to break free from that monotony, i find myself finding the new structure monotonous. Things don't seem fresh or exciting even if they should be. Life feels like a book i've read twenty times. I know how things end up being, i know where i end up going and i know that in the end i'm just going to close the book and start again. I'm beyond teen angst, so what the hell am i going through now? Is this some kind of life hurdle that i have to tackle in order to ascend into the 'next' level? When i'm in New York, i'm gonna do a lot of thinking and i'm going to drink a lot of dirty martinis and buy them for anyone willing to sit next to me and listen to me talk. I think i have lots of unresolved issues to do with motivation that i need to address. I just wish so badly something would happen to me when i'm in New York. Something, fucking anything.