What noone tells you about the halfway house

For some of you who regularly read my blog ( thanks guys ), you'd know that i entered into semi acute 'rehab' this year. I said rehab to make it easier for people to understand but what i really went to was a half-way house. I guess it's sort of semi-acute rehab. People don't tell you this, but the half way house is awesome. I know i shouldn't be pushing it out there as this great place but i've been finding myself wanting to go back lately which is strange because my moods haven't been so positive and uplifted for the whole of this year. I guess i've sort of gotten over the ills that used to plague me, but i still long for the big old arms of the halfway house. Being there, your number one priority is to get better. You are the main focus of the clinicians attention and anything that makes you feel good and positive is encouraged ( sans alcohol and drugs of course ). I know i'm a really self-centered person, so the fact that recovery was the main aim of the game was of great pleasure to me. For once, it was in my best interest to focus on me.

Life is put on hold and that's the way you want it to be. I thought about my life outside of the halfway house and i didn't want to go back to it. Being inside meant freedom from 'reality' and letting go through sharing your stories with other people who are experiencing similar things to you. Often late at night, i wonder who the new people are in the house at the moment. It makes me sad that i'll never have the group that i was with when i was there together ever again. I had some really meaningful times in there. I know that my bedroom when i was there is simply a room. An ephemeral and transitory place that is being lived in by a total stranger right now. The staff have long forgotten who i am or what my name is. Everyone's the same. I'm the only one who looks back with feelings of sentimentality. Group therapy was my favorite session. We called it the " living and learning " group. The first session, i remember we talked about ' irrational thoughts '. I was really into this group because battling irrational thoughts was and still is somewhat the main struggle of my life. 
Art therapy was great as well. It felt like something off TV. I did a big abstract painting and was asked questions about it from the art therapist.

The best part was eating dinner together at night as a whole house. I felt like i was in highschool or something. It felt so 'boarding school' and as i chewed my dinner, i'd look into the faces of all those people around me. Super intelligent John who i always suspected had Aspergers, Reticent Graham, Docile Susan,  Patient Boon, Rambunctious Karlie and Jade who I went dumpster diving with. We both guiltily admitted to loving Girl Interrupted because we saw parts of ourselves in that film ( I know, I'm so lame-o ). Without words, we sat around the table for dinner and breakfast knowing that we were all going through some hard shit together. Uncertain whether some of us would make it through in the end, we wished the person who left each week all the best. I wonder how they're all doing now.