The Wine Diaries part.1

I used to hate drinking. In the beginning, i thought the taste of alcohol was plain vile. I didn't understand how people could like the stuff. Progressively over the course of about 15 years, my palette changed. Now, if possible I would drink alcohol every night.
My relationship with alcohol is weird. There was a time when i thought i was nearly hooked on the stuff. I couldn't fathom the thought of not having a drink before the day ended just to take the edge off all my thoughts and feelings for the day. Alcohol is a mind buffer. It's the ' burn ' tool of Photoshop. It's the greatest muffler because you don't have to hustle for it like Cocaine or Heroin.

The moment when i pour my glass of wine for the evening is kind of a special one. The sound of wine trickling into glass is like the overture to the evening. Before you hit the floor and slam down your wallet demanding more booze, that trickle is what you hear. It sounds Innocent and simple enough, but really it's the beginning of a mind ride. Well, for me anyway. Every drunken episode is more than one of shame or social embarrassment. Some kind of conclusion is drawn and some kind of decision is made. Every time i hit that high, i peek through a hole that lets me see things clearly ( ironic, huh? ).

When i look at bottles of wine, i feel like a pervert eyeing off a hot girl. It makes me feel really uncomfortable. Who wants to feel like a pervert anyway? But that's how i feel when i look at alcohol. It sounds like i might have some sort of alcohol problem, doesn't it? I assure you i don't. I don't wake up wanting to drink. I don't hide alcohol around my room. I don't lie about drinking it. But I've literally developed a pseudo relationship with it so much that i can actually write about it for paragraphs and paragraphs. When i look at alcohol, i feel like it has a mind or something. It doesn't say anything, it doesn't have arms or even sinister intentions. Whatever bad that comes out alcohol is something that is solely bought out by me and me alone. We like to look at alochol and point the finger at the drink as if they had anything to do with our slip ups. But in reality, it's all us and that's where the relationship starts to get weird.

The high from alcohol ( if i can rightly say there is one ) is good and bad. It's good because it doesn't do as much damage in one hit as other drugs can do and for me it only takes one day to convalesce from a hangover. It's bad because getting ' drunk ' isn't that exciting of an affair. How good you feel drunk is dependent upon the context. Whereas you could have a blast getting high off Magic mushrooms alone in your room, you could just end up crying into your pillow out of self-pity on a solo drunk sesh. If the experience of being drunk had a thin layer of skin over it, the skin would be sensitive and almost see-through.

Do we drink to escape? Absolutely. From the hard shit, from reality. To have a good time as well. But escapism is a part of alcohol and it's a large part of why i am drawn to the stuff. It makes me feel free and alive and bold. It makes me unafraid and unapologetic. It's the greatest blind fold yet it is also the clearest magnifying glass.