Writers (bad)Luck

Badass writer, Carson McCullers. I didn't like The Member of the Wedding that much but i really, REALLY like her

I'm actually surprised at how many big name publishing companies are accepting unsolicited submissions these days. It must be the take over of self-publishing leaving these houses with no material to sell or work with. It's good news for budding writers like me with no agent or clout. It gives us a window of opportunity to getting our work noticed. I've decided it's time to start sending Life Insurance ( my semi-memoir / self help / non-fiction ) out into the world. The first submission will be made next Wednesday to Harper Collins. I feel lucky because life has managed to kill my spirit enough to not feel the sting of rejection anymore but to also not be so down and out about that that i do nothing but stay in bed and watch Conan O'Brien for days on end, balancing a bag of Tasty Toobs on my chest. I've had this saying where it's essential that our spirits are killed to the point where we can still live and do our thing but not be so overwhelmingly killed where4 we start getting all dramatic and whiney. It's taken years for me to get here, but boy am i glad that i am here. This must be a part of being 'mature'.

I am glad i no longer have that hunger for approval anymore. It just makes you feel and look like a lapdog. My writing is my writing and it's well and truly clear to me now that it's the ONLY thing i can do. Which is fucking scary. The real world boasts so many career paths ( really? Hmmm ) and all i can think about is writing. The job front hasn't been in favor of me for a year and a half now and i have admitted that i should probably search for new avenues but dude... i got no idea. I got nothing. 
The dream is to have my book published and to be somewhat of a literary star. I mean that's every writers dream, right? It's a long shot, but there's something so warm about simply indulging in that fantasy. I used to do it a lot more but now i take action and never take rejection personally.
Sending Life insurance out surprisingly renders very little emotion in me. I don't have any particular feelings about it at all. If it gets rejected, that's OK. If it receives some attention, then i guess that's OK too. I think i've lived enough to not be that surprised by much anymore.