I Wish I Wasn't Jaded

Everyone seems to think that I sort of like being jaded. I don't. It's sort of funny and comedic on the surface but what it really is is subdued exhaustion at things happening in the world which doesn't surprise you anymore. This is what makes us jaded people, we are so used to the patterns and trends that we see out in the world that there is seldom hope for any kind of different outcome. When good things happen, it surprises us. It's a nice surprise too and I often wish that I were surprised more because I can often predict things to a tee.

I know that many people older than me smile in condescension and think that I've really seen nothing yet. Well, let them. But with the portion of life I have seen, i've come to conclusions that commensurate to what I've dealt with head on. I often look around at people and think about whether their 'views' on life match up to what they've actually been through. People who have had difficult lives but come out more positive than most people are the sort of people I mean. Same with people who have got nothing to really complain about but end up being train wrecks or self destructive. I've felt positivity and know what it's like to have a good circadian rhythm. I wish i still had it. I wish this was simply the basis of my life. Positivity and being able to go to bed before 10PM. But that's the thing about balance. It takes a lifetime to achieve and about a year to ruin completely. I seek balance in my life all the time. Mostly in my emotions but we all know that anything in the realm of feelings is like navigating blindfolded in an already pitch dark room. Moreover, we have the right to say, " I didn't know any better " because when it comes to talking about feelings, nothing is wrong.

Optimism has deep roots in innocence. That's why children and naive personalities fare well in the feelings department. They don't have the compulsion to investigate deeper into why things are the way they are. They leave things be and move on with no curiosity or desire to uncover more. But also you can be experienced and optimistic too. How though? Can somebody teach me how to see the light? ( lol ) No matter how good things go in my life, i seem to always come back to the same place. Jadedness. Dull, grey, stoney jadedness. It's chic ennui as some people say but give me dorky optimism any day.

PS : I book reviewed Confessions of a Sociopath, click here to read