In the grey

For the first time in my recent years, i feel like i've got nothing to say. I'm usually brimmimg with things to say but that hot urge has sort of cooled down these past few months. The year is slowly ( but quickly ) coming to an end and i'm totally looking forward to that. Every new year is a new beginning for me. I know for most people it's just another year but for me, i always feel like i'm being offered a second chance. It's the ultimate " tomorrow " in my eyes. What i do want to say was that yesterday i was thinking about my life and all the phases i've been through and without trying to sound wanky or anything, i feel like i've experienced being almost every single person in the world. OK I KNOW, that's a FAR OUT statement to make. But that's the easy way to put it.

I've been a winner, a loser, a queen, a fool, a fallen victim, a life coach, chronically sad, ecstatically happy, down and out, thriving, independent, needy. These days, i am so much more confident socially because i feel like i can literally relate to everyone seeing as i've 'been' almost every single person you can think of. I feel like if you gave me a chainsaw and told me to cut down trees in a forest, i could do it like a real forest logger guy. If you told me to go out and hook on the streets, i'd know exactly how to do it. It's not a statement of confidence. It's simply a statement of having lunged so deep into different 'types' of personalities and people that you find one commonality to everything. I know we've all been different types of people however, i feel like the only difference between me and others is that i swing from one to another in shorter amounts of time. As in one day i'll be happy and the next i'm down and out. I literally believe that there are no such things as 'grey' areas in my life. I really want them, i want them a lot. I wish i could live in the grey all the time because i've experienced what it was like to be in the 'grey' and it's wonderful. It's stable, predictable and steady. But all i feel is intensity and extremity. I know that there's no in between for me. I'll either be under the bridge with no shoes on or in a loft mansion somewhere in Soho, New York. I know that no matter what year it is be it 2015 or 2020, i'm going to be flying high one minute and plummeting down the next.

It is literally that dramatic and insane.