Nothing can beat the first day of escapism

At my Aunts Green house(s)

I think i'm the best version of myself when i'm traveling. I am more energized, positive, i wake up before 9, go to bed before 10, eat right, feel enthusiastic, walk everywhere, am so so social and want to participate in general. The first day i come back home, things feel OK because home feels fresh, like today. But i know that that traveling urge is gonna kick in soon again and i have to appease it some how. What is it with me and traveling? What is it with all of us and traveling? Not only do i feel like i'm the best version of myself but i feel that this is also the case for others as well. Suddenly, the world is a vast place full of freedom, fun and opportunity. We don't feel the boxed in sluggishness of the 9 to 5, the stuffy quotidian conventions or that feeling of, " How can i get out of here ASAP?"

This is my aunts backyard! They live on a flower farm. It's so far away but it's so beautiful. The people who used to live there were dutch and raised chickens and ducks which are still there. They live off the land and it's so wonderful.

When i was in my teens, i never wanted to come home. Although this is still kind of true, i am much more mature now. I know that home is our life and we all need to have roots. We all need to sleep in our beds and feel stable. But the feeling still lingers as I sit in my seat on the plane. I wish i could just keep going, jet set from country to country. One day New York the next Japan. Then maybe Paris for two weeks and then back to New York again? I haven't felt this romantic and dreamy since i was a moody adolescent, constantly chasing for novelty and adventure. I gave that up when i realised that you needed to work, to save, to build a life in one place and to make that life as good as possible. I realised and learned a lot of things on my trip to NZ this time. I completely underestimated this trip. I left thinking it was going to be completely uneventful and came back with all these important thoughts and ideas which have been born out of a mere four day trip in a country only 3 hours away.

Me and my grandma enjoying some Ramen!

For one, I now know for sure that traveling gives me something that nothing else ever can. The feeling of lifting off, leaving the crud behind, paving new roads in a completely foreign place. It's the most exhilarating thing in the world. The truth remains. If you can make your life fun, purposeful and meaningful then you won't have that irritating itch to leave. But it seems no matter how good my life gets, the grass is always greener on the other side. My life hasn't reached its peak of excitement yet. I need a career or at least a full time job, i need my apartment, i need to have people constantly tugging at me for work and to be somewhere on time. But i'm so free and I have so much time. I have all the freedom in the world to travel, i just need the money.

Shameless selfie in front of the driveway

 

I was looking through old photo albums at my grandmas place and I came across this. I still remember seeing that outfit at the shops and asking my grandma if she could buy it for me because i loved it SO much. This is my mum, grandma and me in China when i was a kid

I guess at heart i'm still a dreamer and a hopeless romantic. I live for novelty and excitement. I want to be grounded and to be an adult but every time, every fucking time i leave the country I get this surge of something that i can't quite pin down. And on the way home, all i feel is a heaviness of defeat and dread. What could be as exciting as somewhere on the other side?

The Hydrangeas were thriving so much

Honestly though, i would give anything to have my life in order right now. I want things to tie me down, believe it or not. The reason for that is no amount of traveling, jet setting and country skipping could ever quench that obsession I have with running away. But being grounded, that's something that i can appease easily. I hope that makes sense. Feeling grounded is a lot easier to achieve than feeling like you're so far away from everything. Because even if you do manage to feel far away from it all, you gotta go home eventually. That's really the biggest bummer of all.