Who are you going to call?

Last night, i got to thinking about ' life lines '. Who's your life line? The person that you have no trouble in dialing and venting about your problems, your ideas, your suspicions. Is there such thing as a call being made without you, the caller, feeling as if you were going to be annoying to the other person? Throughout my life, I have never been able to call someone without immediately assuming that i was going to be annoying. I can just imagine it now, them rolling their eyes and being like, " Oh great, i have to deal with her now". The thing is, everyone says things like call me anytime, i'm here if you need me but i don't believe that for a second. People say it as a way of politeness, but when crunch time comes, are they really going to be there for you?

I've made independence the bedrock of my life. But even I sometimes wished that I had someone who i could call and talk to without feeling like i'm being an annoying gnat. It can't just be anybody though. It has to be someone i feel good about talking to. That makes it harder to find someone. The fact that we all have special requests. I have nobody like that. I wonder how many people have these ' life lines '. Maybe i'm just overly sensitive and should stop assuming that i'm being annoying. Maybe they're not annoyed by me calling them. But there's a part of me that doesn't even want to call for fear of being perceived as the weaker link. In a world where we are encouraged to let our emotions out and to not bottle things up, there are still these invisible but thick threads of rope that bar us from doing certain things to seem either superior or strong. Like we don't need other people. In actual fact, i bet every single one of us, including me would give anything for a life line.

Your life line should be someone who isn't afraid of telling you the truth. To be brutal about the facts. Facts can be in your favor or against your favor. We just need someone to position us to see things in a way that's not always about ' us '. I wish there was an authorial figure who i could talk to and to give me convincing arguments. The interesting thing is what we do when we have so much to communicate but have no way of getting an ear to listen to us. What happens next for you? Do you sleep it off, write it down, drink a glass of wine or try to distract yourself? The next step is what defines us. What we do when we want to say something but nobody is there to listen. For me, being without a life line i write or i sink into my music. But mostly, i write. If I had a life line, perhaps my writing would suffer. I guess my life line is anyone who reads this blog.