So close to my departure date for Tokyo. The amazing news is that my friend Scarlett is also coming with me. We both got jobs in the same company. I can't wait to start my new life with her over there. I've been so lazy with my Japanese lately.
Ever since i found out that i was going for sure, i've been really slack with practicing. I think in my mind i'm just saying to myself, " Well I'll have to use it when i'm there anyway so i'll learn naturally ". I'm sending SO much stuff to Tokyo. Well it's just one box but it's going to cost me like $200 dollars. I can't leave anything behind, it's so bad. I am really attached to my clothes.
I've been having a lot of feels lately. They've all been positive though, which is awesome. I really believe that my dark times are over. I wrote a break up letter to Melbourne which you can read
here
Thanks to my editor, Mathew Mackie for publishing that. It was important to me
Some things to look forward to doing.
xx
Hi Yalei,
ReplyDeleteI've been a follower of your blog for many years, I've left comments quite regularly (I moved from Melbourne to NYC to pursue my creative career). A word of advice, when moving overseas/leaving Melbourne don't weigh too much pressure on yourself. Moving places will not change you, sure it can bring you out of a rut, it can inspire you, it can give you more opportunities but you will still feel the lows, you will still feel rejection and you will still at times miss home and even when you don't miss home you'll be confused about where you belong and who you are. Moving overseas can be like splitting yourself in two. I don't plan to return to Melbourne, I rarely toy with the idea but I do feel constantly guilty leaving my parents, my grandparents and friends there. So in that way I do feel torn. I have a good job here, in a creative field, it's not my ideal job but its a lot more than I would be doing in Melbourne. I have a strong small group of friends here (mainly Australian), I wonder why I don't have many American friends but sometimes it makes sense. I do however have an American boyfriend who I love very deeply and feel blessed to have met him and fallen in love over here. That said the daily grind of NYC is tough, I'm constantly asking myself "am I doing the right thing?" "where am I going?" "am I wasting my time in this job?". Most days I want to quit and start dog walking so I can figure out my life but that doesn't feel right either. I'm learning that a lot of things don't feel right, life seems to be a game of patience and I'm sick of waiting, waiting for something I'm unsure of.
I needed to leave Melbourne, I don't think I gave it my all but I never felt like it had anything to give me, or if it did I wouldn't be getting it. Moving did uplift me for a while but with that came a lot of other pain. Nights alone feeling like I had no one to see or nowhere to go, the competitive nature, the feeling that you need to create all the time, not feeling good enough for anyone, feeling like guys are always looking for someone better...the list goes on.
I have been to Japan once and it stole my heart, I went 6 years ago when I was 19 and I still have a pang in my heart when I think of it. So I understand your feelings but I think you should be aware that a place cannot entirely change you.
YOU will go wherever you travel, no matter what country you live in or visit you should try to live without too many expectations because you can never rely on any place, thing or person to completely satisfy you. I do wish you the best, moving countries is not easy but it is rewarding and I'm sure you will be happy in Japan, it is a beautiful place and I hope to visit again sometime soon.