The Ultimate Secret : An Essay I wrote last year

The ultimate secret, is that there are no secrets.

And here’s another one for you, there is no such thing as the ‘ ultimate’ anything either. I used to get sucked into advertising and promises made by not only advertisers but also people about the miracle cure or the ultimate secret to getting what I want. It just seems far too tempting to not investigate further. All investigations lead me to the same destination. Disappointment. Save yourself the disappointment by knowing this : There is no easy way out of anything at all. There is no miracle for getting what you want and there is no miracle solution for soothing heartbreak or disappointment.

As we grow older, we realize that living is about two things. Knowing that there is no easy way out, and finding the means in ourselves to overcome this damning reality. That’s how you can differentiate between those who are mature and those who aren’t. To me, the mature people in life understand that the hardships in life are not destined against us or that there is some miracle cheat that can save us disappointment and rejection from vulnerability. There are also no ulterior motives targeted against us as humans. At some point of our lives, we’ve believed with every part of ourselves that we are the victim of some sort of misfortune and that something mysterious is at play to ensure that this is so. It can be anything from being unlucky in love or being incessantly unsuccessful in the workforce. The truth is, is that nothing is ever scheduled against us. Life has no eyes, ears, mouth or hands. It’s blind and everything that seems meaningful in our lives is simply coincidence. Cold, hard coincidence. The simplicity of this actually takes a lifetime to accept. Even to understand.

If you can grasp the fact that there are no secrets in life, then you should feel some sort of resolve. Secrets can drive us mad. They promise us some sort of deliverance from unease, they hint or flirt with our desire for some sort of solution. Socially, they wring at our need for reassurance that other people have vulnerabilities that could potentially be as dramatic as ours. In short, secrets are hard to resist because they put us on edge. When someone tempts you with a ‘ secret’ for weight loss or ‘getting your crush to notice you’ you’ve got to remember that these are not true methods that will attain true results. At most you will get a quick fix only to attempt it a second time to find that it fails. Or more likely, you’ll attempt this secret to be met with watery or no results at all. There are no secrets to getting what you want. The only way there, is the hard way. A way in which calls for you to strip off your skin to expose your muscles to the rain, hail and shine. The only way to what you want is to understand that there are no guarantees about anything. The only way to get what you want in life is to realize that you might have to give everything you’ve got to receive nothing at all.

What is amazing to learn is that we are already equipped with all the necessary information to achieve in life. We know a million times over that water and exercise is good for us, that not speaking ill of others will make us feel more at ease, that the way to success is to work hard. In fact, these are truisms because they really are true. What’s amazing is that we know the manual but we just don’t know how to use it. Life is a case of easier said than done. When we work out how to grit our teeth and bear through the necessary steps in order to attain greatness, that’s when we know that we’ve risen above.

Another way to word “ magic cures” or “ Ultimate secrets” is this :

“ I know how to help you to get from A to C without even having to bother with B”

What is the right way to do things in life? It’s to do them from start to finish and to feel the strands that make up every single phase. You can’t ever cheat life because it always manages to get you back. Cheating life is a losing game. I’m not talking about cosmic balance or anything New age like that, but I’m talking about logic, events and time and how all these sorts of factors become victims of our forgetfulness. The thing about life, is that it runs in a very orderly fashion. We only think that it gets out of hand or hard to cope with because we have minds and feelings and we are not insensitive.

What was an ultimate secret that you have been offered in life? For me, it’s that there are such a thing as quick fixes. There aren’t any. Whatever this problem was, took the necessary steps to arrive to where it is now. In that time it’s taken, it’s also managed to convince time itself to be his best friend. Knowing that there are no easy ways out of things in life will make it easier for you to live because you’ll do the right thing from the very beginning. Things take time to consolidate. Things take time, period. In order for you to truly rise about potential pain, disappointment and heartbreak, you’ve got to prepare yourself for it. What’s more important than this is knowing that no amount of preparation can really defend you in the end. You’ve just got to know that nothing can stop you from your tracks but nothing can stop things from being on theirs against you either. Life isn’t a domain where walls and paths are built for us by some omniscient hand. Life is air and everything has the ability to pass through it. You pass through air and so does all the bad and the good of life. Nothing can be suspended in air to stop you from your tracks.  It’s the same the other way around.

If only there was a way for us to win without the hard work. If there were, I don’t think life would be the same. How people deal with the injustices of life is what defines them. I used to believe that I was special and hand picked by life itself to be a victim of a grander plan. Now I know that I was just desperately seeking an answer to order and structure the chaos that I frequently experienced. If we want to get creative, the ultimate secret is exposed and it always has been. That’s that life is difficult and that there are never any quick fixes. The real secret, is how to accept and to adopt this into our lives as part of our mentalities. I have a feeling that some of us will never accept it and continue to believe that there are ‘ Ultimate Secrets’ lurking in shadowy corners in the world. The ultimate secret or quick fix is the biggest fallacy that we’ve created in order to help us out in life. There are no secrets to getting what you want. You just have to go out there, do it and prepare yourself to get burnt in the process.

If we’re talking less philosophical or life related matters, the same principle still applies. Let’s think about it, fake tan, skin whitening creams, weight loss diet pills, hair dye the list goes on. What these products are really trying to do, is to reverse what life has pledged for the individual. Do you really believe that anything in reality can ever be as perfect as that idealized image in your mind? Do you think that anything will ever come close to that idealization? Nothing is ever as good as what you envision for yourself. Nothing even comes close. Having a good grip on reality and fantasy is an asset because it keeps us grounded and protects us from having our hopes shattered. Right, we all know that but how do we come to this mentality? It all goes back to this chapter : There are no ultimate secrets. All of this talk of no secrets probably has lead you to view life as a very flat and un-exciting thing. As something that lays itself wholly on the table bearing no potential to excite you. This is the part where you’re wrong because it’s the fact that life has no ultimate secrets which makes it so interesting. Life, living, the quotidian is somewhat a very obvious and straight forward matter, and it all boils down to emotions.

Have you ever tried to deny your feelings for someone? How long did it last before it came out loud and passionate? There is no secret to feelings. You can’t quell them to the point of obsoleteness, you can’t erase them, you can’t even hide them sometimes. There is no secret to mastering your feelings, in all honesty, they get the better of you, always. Even if it’s in private, away from prying eyes. But this doesn’t mean that you don’t get over some feelings. It’s just that takes time. Sometimes a long time.

One of the biggest desires in life is to be able to express emotions without getting hurt. But this is a pipe dream and I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you that. Emotions are honest and true and they can’t be denied. In fact, I personally find myself giving out clues about my feelings to the world even against my own command. There is something very natural about feeling which is just why we want to control them. We always want to control what is natural. What is natural, is what is honest and what is honest means vulnerability.

When people tell you that there are ways out of the hard yards, don’t listen to them because there simply isn’t. There is no secret cure to heartbreak, nor is there a secret to being able to get what you want emotionally. The key is plain and simple, go after it and be brave enough to deal with the aftermath.

We’ve created the entire concept of “ The Ultimate Secret” to sell products and to instill some vestige of hope in life, the most nihilistic adventure, devoid of agenda, plan or grand scheme. Agenda, plan and grand scheme is a human invention born out of our need to create reassurance and to sooth the mundane banality of life. The ‘ Ultimate Secret’ concept has worked and still works today. It will probably always work because we want it to so badly. No secret can match what is done with discipline, honesty or pain. They are the only ways to do things in life that hold longevity. If you want something to be real, the only way there is to give a part of yourself in the process.