Yalei Wang

It sounds kind of dumb to say, but i've been thinking about China a lot and about heading back there on some kind of long term basis in the future. I know, I JUST fucking got to Tokyo after whining about how much i loved it and now i'm already thinking about going back to the motherland? On top of that, i'm someone who's eagerly seeking stability and moving from country to country just isn't that. But i want to. I really want to go back to China in the next couple of years and get to the bottom of my blood. I've been trying to find connection to my roots lately. Apparently that's what happens in your twenties, you go back to the beginning. I wanted to be more 'Asian' as some of you guys may know but what about being Chinese specifically? I want to be really Chinese, actually but with my own twist.

I have an inkling that being back in China will be one of the coolest things that could happen to me. Like something that'll be just as powerful as Tokyo. I'll go through another kind of mind transformation process and you know what? Life begins at the end of your comfort zone as someone very smart said and they're right. You become invincible when you put yourself in a challenging situation. It's like confessing love, it changes you forever. I need to see my grandma in China as well. It soothes my soul to know she's back in China because the thought of her living alone really makes me uneasy. I don't want something to happen to her. She was the one person who basically raised me. China is like no other place i've been to. It's basically like an honest conversation right from the get-go. No warm ups, no preliminary how do you do's? Straight off the bat, the country hands you a crisis, a baby or a ticket to jail. Although my mind may change, Tokyo is like a coy girl who never really gives you a straight answer. They couldn't be more different culturally.

On the plane, i began my new novel. It was fucking difficult because i knew how the words were meant to sound on the pages but once i started to write, it just came out in random directions like a bag of squirrels on the loose. I couldn't steer my words in the beautiful way that i had in my head, so there's so much to be done in that aspect. I do want to write a novel though and i want to have two projects going ahead in tandem. Life insurance, which is pretty close to finished and i want to start this new novel to tap into a different side of me as a writer. There's going to be so much work pumping out of me in the next couple of months. Stagnancy is death and now that i've combat that, my mind is ripe for the taking.