Yalei Wang

I'm going to see my new apartment on Monday. I hate how i live so far in the future sometimes, the fact this apartment COULD BE a total dump and not really liveable despite the pictures is still a possibility. I've still been feeling a bit shit ever since my work training thing. It's times like these how I realise just how sensitive i am as a person and how much i really hate that about myself. Life is more easily lived when you don't care. But not caring is hard when you have set beliefs and ideas about things and if you take yourself seriously as a person.

来週、新しいアパトを下見をします。これは私にとってたいせつな時です。子供の時から、自立をいましたの人だから、もしアパトをもらったら、嬉しいです！！！！


I've been really proud of how well i've been adulting lately. But adulting is lonesome and lonely. No wonder adults have families, it's to help them escape from the lonesome loneliness of being an adult. Being an adult for me is all about loss. Loss of innocence, of ( a lot of ) hope, of past dreams. Which sounds so fucking sad, i know. But it's also about independence, cutting yourself off from shit people, buying expensive things without guilt and also knowing better than 90% of people around you. I like the good side of it because i've never depended on anyone. But i feel like having this image of self sufficiency like i do is also what makes people like me feel lonesome and lonely. The whole world thinks that we are so capable and strong ( which we are HAHA ) that they don't bother to reach out and to offer us help or warmth and support. I'm fiercely independent and self-sufficient. But like everyone else, I want help, support, friendliness, LOVE. Just because we can do everything ourselves doesn't mean we want to all the time.
The immediate needs I have for my new apartment are a bed and a fridge which is going to take a chunk out of my savings. I'm willing to do it though because to occupy my own space no matter how small or simple it is here in Tokyo, would be such an unreal high for me not to mention an achievement in itself.

xx