Working Hard

I remember the first important thing that ever happened to me in university. I was in my first writing tutorial and my teacher walked in. She said to us, " Hi everyone. If you are here to make money from your own writing, then you should quit this course and get out right now".
No one left the room, but that was clearly because noone wanted to be bold. Now, two years out of university i couldn't agree with her more. I never really, truly believed that i'd be able to make money out of writing what i wanted to write and being recognised for my own writing. Somewhere in the back of my silly young mind though, i thought perhaps success would be out there for me because my life was so unpredictable and unexpected. These days, i've realised something. I really enjoy working hard for the sake of working hard. Even if i don't get to become rich and famous one day for what i love to do, which is to write.

Working hard is enjoyable for me because it gets my mind off of things. Not that there is much on my mind these days. I don't know what's happened, but all the mental debris of the past has ebbed away over the past couple of months and i'm living in this permanent sense of ease. I know, it's so weird. It puzzles me as well. I think it might puzzle me for the rest of my life. Hard work is all about being selfless and outward looking. You don't get all egotistical, you don't whine and you don't whinge. You simply...do. And after you've finished whatever task that you were doing, you feel like you've earnt a break and that break feels so great because you've earnt it.
I used to be one of those lazy people that wanted too much of a good thing. The result was that i was overly emotional, whingey and found the entire world to be so overwhelming that getting out of bed was just impossible. I couldn't sleep at night and i found the most simple of tasks to be absolutely impossible. I was too self-indulgent. Too self-entitled. I honestly plan to never return to that sort of living. It's sort of deadly or something. The amount of time you waste and the opportunities for positivity that you lose.

OK, so i know i sound like a headcase being so positive and so pro-life in these past few posts. But i'm literally going through a big life transition. It's all about discipline, structure and not depending or needing other people for guidance or help. It's a very selfish and cold stage that i'm embarking into actually. But it feels so fantastic. It feels so good to not need or care about other people. It's liberating and it's about time that other people didn't really matter to me that much anymore.