Solo Woman

I've been thinking about women a bit lately. Actually i always think about women, it's kind of a favorite topic of mine to write on. The kind of woman that i'm thinking about though, are solo women. Women who go through life by themselves without a man. Some might call them spinsters, but the word spinster has such negative connotations. I always think about whether i'll ever be partnered. My mother is getting impatient and constantly asking me when i'll be getting my first boyfriend. I've come to a personal conclusion that i don't believe that men will ever have the gall to approach me. I'm too ball busting and too bold to ever secure their confidence. I've always felt this, but something inside me tells me that this is true. This is actually true now. No longer just a possibility that i tossed around in my head. This is the reason why.

I mean, this doesn't mean that all ball busting women are single. All the women in my life are strong women and mostly if not all of them have boyfriends. The thing is though, it's these women who generally make the first move, and i love this so much. In an ideal world, we never have to make the first move in order to get anything that we want at all. Why would we ever want to make the first leap when that puts us in a threatening and vulnerable position? When i was younger, i was very impulsive. Nowadays, probably not so much. There have been good outcomes from my impulsive leaps, but it's the bad ones that have stuck with me more than the good. It doesn't take a genius to understand that risks are hard to take. I love these women who aren't afraid to defy the status quo and take matters into their own hands. It's so awesome. It's really powerful and defiant. I like women who are like that because they are the only ones that i can relate to.

I don't think relationships have ever come into the picture for me in my life. Literally, I've written before how i've never even had one. I don't think that I've ever really desired strongly for one either. There may have been moments when i have but as a whole, it's never been something that had mattered to me. I always try and imagine what kind of a girlfriend i'd be like. I guess we'll never know until it actually happens. I have a feeling that i'll be very flighty, demanding and probably incredibly petulant. Probably not the ideal. Whats more, i don't know how much i want to give up my independence either. But i know that there'd be parts of me that would be good. That would be nurturing to the relationship as well as stable.