Alone

Being alone is my new venture in terms of topic exploration. On the train today, it dawned on me, this is something that I know a lot about.

I guess you can say that it’s my niche topic or something. Being alone is something that I know everything about. That sounds weird because all of us are alone at some time during our lives. It’s impossible to not be alone in life. It’s inevitable and it’s the final word. Being alone is the real state of life. So i guess you're wondering what makes me a ' being alone ' expert. Well, i guess the thing that differentiates me from everyone else is that being alone is the natural state of my life. It's the state of living that defines me as a person and the place where i feel the most comfortable and free. To me, when i'm alone is who i really am. If only people could see the thoughts i have when i'm alone, they'd know me in a new way. When i'm with other people, i feel like i'm not me. This isn't because i act fake or i put on a new profile. Who i am when i'm alone, is the person that i really am and it's only when i'm alone when i really live my life, if that makes any sense. 

Being alone, is the most free you can be in the world. Loneliness is being free and hating it. But being alone, is true liberty. I feel free when i'm alone because my thoughts are mine and my actions are mine and basically, the world is this place where i am free to roam and explore at my own pace. No one who i know, has access to this world that i inhabit when i'm alone and it's the same for me towards others as well. Being alone can be daunting if you don't know how to do it. Some people don't believe it or not. Some people rely on other people which is fine providing that they are ready for them to not be there when they need them sometime soon. What i've attained this year is complete, full round independence. I've always been very independent but this year, there's been a more profound change. It's a solid fact to me now that people are transient, moody and unpredictable. Sometimes this is at the cost of your wellbeing so there's really noone to help you out One hundred percent all the time. It's an attitude, independence and not simply a choice of personal conduct. 

I know that some people don't understand the goodness in being alone. They equate being alone with being a loser/loner/someone with no friends. In some ways, they are right. Living alone and ultimately knowing that there is noone out there for yourself but you is an isolating and remote life experience. But i feel like to be able to grasp the fact that noones out there for you except for you is liberating and comforting. Once you know that you can count on yourself, you can do anything in life. A part of my need to be completely self reliant is the fact that i don't think people are actually able to help other people. Well... me to be more precise. You know those times when people say to you that you can call on them and talk to them about your problems? Well, i have and they've all been like brick walls. I literally believe that the only way to solve problems is by managing them and there's noone else that can manage your own problems but yourself. 

Do you ever feel alone in your life? like truly, truly alone. Knowing that you are the only you out there who can ever get yourself out of anything. I've sort of accepted this now and i think it's going to help me so much out in my life.